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notalwaysright_feedRead A Bird-Feedback Loop
Customer: "But then I can go out and come back and make another purchase and get another for free."
Me: *Not really caring.* "If that's what you want to do, that's fine!"
Read A Bird-Feedback Loop
notalwaysright_feedI’ve worn glasses since fourth grade. This happened maybe a couple of years later. I looked for my glasses but could not find them. I turned my bedroom upside down, racked my brain trying to figure out where they might be. I did, ultimately, find them. They were on my face. Not long after that […]
notalwaysright_feedThis happened when i was primary-school age. I once watched a television show for children in which the protagonist broke an expensive object of her dad’s, and upon confessing her mishap and apologising, the father was kind, told her he was proud of her for being honest, and the two shared a hug. A while […]
notalwaysright_feedRead This Story Is Like Scratching Glittery Nails On A Chalkboard
Customer: "What is this? This is not what I asked for. This is ugly."
Owner: "You got a manicure with nail polish."
Customer: "Yes, but I wanted it like the picture."
Read This Story Is Like Scratching Glittery Nails On A Chalkboard
notalwaysright_feedRead Seizing Any Opportunity To Complain
Just as this poor guy's starting to come to, I hear a woman clear her throat above me. I look up, and it's the same woman who came and told me about the seizure in the first place.
Customer: "Are you going to be able to help me soon? I really have to leave, and I didn't think this was going to take this long."
notalwaysright_feedRead This Customer Is Taking Generations To Check Out
I find a line at the grocery store that is surprisingly shorter than the others. I get in line and overhear the customer talking at (not to) the cashier:
Customer: "You know, you got two parents, four grandparents, eight great grandparents, sixteen great great grandparents..."
notalwaysright_feedRead Sidelining Sense
Me: "Side salads. Do you sell them here?
Employee: "No. What kind of salad do you want?"
I couldn't see any salads on the menu.
Me: "I don't know, what kind do you have?"
She lists the types of salads.
Employee: "…and side salads."
Read Sidelining Sense
notalwaysright_feedRead The Wizard And I Have Made A Mistake
A customer comes out of a screening of 'Wicked: For Good' that’s been showing for about forty minutes.
Customer: "Are they going to keep singing?"
notalwaysright_feedRead Suddenly Calling It A Special Seems A Bit Problematic
Manager: "Who wrote the sign for today's special?"
Me: "Brian, why?"
Manager: "It's wrong."
Me: "Is it not Asparagus Frittata?"
Manager: "Oh, it certainly is."
notalwaysright_feed
I was just coming back from lunch break and heard the sound that could only be a person hitting the floor. Turning the corner, I saw a woman who had just collapsed. As I approached, I could see she was unconscious. A customer reached the woman at the same time I did.
Me: "Can you stay with her while I call 911?"
notalwaysright_feedRead War And Pizza
Me: "I tried to order online, but the special instructions field on the order form is limited to fifty characters."
Pizza Guy: "Yeah, they put in that limit because one time a guy was so p***ed for having to wait during a rush that he put in another order for a single garlic dip and copy-pasted the entirety of War & Peace into the special instructions field. The printout just… kept coming."
Read War And Pizza
notalwaysright_feedRead Pruning The Customer Down To Size
Customer: "Identify what disease this plant has and diagnose the cure."
New Hire: "I… uh… can ask—"
Customer: "No. You work here, in the garden center, so you should know. What is the disease and what is the—"
Me: "—sir, can I help?"
notalwaysright_feedRead Doing Time (Off)
Relief Captain: "You know you've got plenty of leave, right?"
Me: "Yes, I know. I just need some of it to handle my business tomorrow."
Relief Captain: "No, I mean you've got plenty of leave to take, and the roster is filled for the next two weeks."
Read Doing Time (Off)
notalwaysright_feedRead A Toast To Routine
Without fail, once I got in, turned on the office lights, and started counting cash, an elderly person would be pulling on the locked doors like their life depended on it.
Read A Toast To Routine
notalwaysright_feedRead Big Board Is Watching You
Customer: "So… how does the board know I’ve placed a train? Is there like a machine or a sensor that keeps track?"
Me: "It’s just cardboard, sir. You just put the plastic piece in the space with your hand."
notalwaysright_feedRead Has No Flex Appeal
Me: "Can you come and cash me out now?"
Boss: "No, you'll need to stay a bit later. We don't finish until everyone has finished."
Me: *Looking him in the face.* "Sorry, not going to happen. I need to leave on time, and I have a contract stating that time."
Read Has No Flex Appeal
notalwaysright_feed
Customer: "I want a McChicken burger, but without mayonnaise because I'm vegan."
Me: "Did you want the chicken taken off, too?"
Customer: "Why? Chicken isn’t meat."
notalwaysright_feedRead Screen Time And Lemony Crimes
I'm leaving a movie theater screen, and I overhear a mother who seems to be furious with her teenager.
Mom: "Just wait until your dad hears about this!"
Teenager: "Mom! It's not that big of a deal."
Mom: "What you did was disgusting. It was a betrayal of my trust."
notalwaysright_feedRead The Plush Protector
Mom: *The rightful owner’s mom.* "Hey, that’s my son’s toy. He just put it down for a second."
Entitled Mom: "If he found it, he can keep it."
Mom: "Excuse me? He’s had that since he was a baby."
Read The Plush Protector
notalwaysright_feedRead We Can’t Believe They Thought That Would Work, Part 14
Customer: "The microwave doesn't work. Give me my money back."
Manager: "Can I see the receipt?"
Customer: "I don't have it."
Manager: *Looking at the microwave.* "Do you at least have the box it came in?"
notalwaysright_feedI was due to graduate high school soon and was doing the standard tour of potential colleges to decide where I would go for my computer science degree. At University Of Maryland they had a chance to ask questions to a small panel of older students attending the college. My family got there early and […]
notalwaysright_feedRead No Longer Over The Moon To Be Here
Back in the 1990s, I remember being in High School, overhearing a student giving a tour to an exchange student. She points out the window in the main corridor:
Student: "And that's our moon. We put it up there in 1966. Does your country have a moon?"
notalwaysright_feed(A friend told me this one. He had gone to vosit Paris together with a longtime friend I don’t know, and one of the destinations was the Acquarium of the Trocadero. This tale, however, happened mostly outside of it: the way I was told, my friend and his friend were coming out of the building […]
notalwaysright_feedRead Speed-Running The Checkout
Me: "Hello, how are you doing today?"
Customer: *Staring me dead in the eyes; no answer.*
Me: "Do you have a rewards accou—"
Customer: "—SKIP!"
notalwaysright_feedI have made myself the designated filler of the kitchen at my office. I make sure the water dispenser is full, there is water in the coffeemaker, there is nothing gross in the fridge, the microwave is clean, that there is a roll of paper towels on the counter just in case someone spills their […]
notalwaysright_feedRead Self-Own At The Self-Checkout
Me: "Do you need a babysitter? Because clearly you can’t handle self-checkout."
I re-ring every item properly.
Customer: "You're just racially profiling me!"
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