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notalwaysright_feedRead Wicked Stepmother Goes Shopping
Customer: "This mirror is broken."
I glance at the fitting room.
Me: "I don't see any cracks, ma'am."
Customer: "No. I know what I look like. This one’s… distorted or something. It made me look tired and puffy."
notalwaysright_feedRead You Need To Give Billing The Grilling
Caller: "I just need to know what this adjustment on my bill is for! I don't know why you can't just look at my bill and tell me!"
Me: "Ma'am, as I have said, we are not your utility provider. We only provide a specific function on their behalf. We cannot see your bill."
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Customer: "Thank you, dear. Now, where are your fitting rooms?"
Me: "Uh, we don't have any."
Customer: "What?! Then how am I supposed to try this on?"
Me: "It's a handbag, ma'am."
notalwaysright_feedRead If Next To Internet, Must Also Be Internet!
Caller: "Hey, something is badly wrong! There's a black box that's causing the lights to flicker, and it kills our internet. It beeps every time it happens, so it's got to be causing the problem."
notalwaysright_feedRead He Career-ed Off The Train Tracks And On To The Road
European Manager: "Hey, weird question. What train should I take to New Mexico?"
Me: "Train?"
European Manager: "Yeah, just for the weekend. Santa Fe looks nice. I figured I’d take a scenic train or something?"
notalwaysright_feedRead Looking Out For Numero Seis
At our library, holds are found by the first initial of the patron's last name and the last six digits of their library card number. We have too many patrons to use fewer than six. The slips of paper are taped to the spines of the books and DVDs with masking tape so people can serve themselves, then take them to the self-checkout or to us at circulation.
A man comes in to pick up his wife's holds. I explain to him how the system works, and he goes over with his wife's library card in hand. He comes back about a minute later.
notalwaysright_feedRead When ‘Are You Still Watching?’ Feels Like A Threat
Some coworkers and I are discussing how expensive it is to keep up with all the streaming platforms these days, while on a break.
Coworker #1: "I’m canceling Netflix. [Coworker #3] said I can use hers if I don’t mess up her algorithm."
notalwaysright_feedRead This Call Has Been A-Bridged
Highway Patrol: "[State] Highway Patrol. How can I help you?"
Me: "Yes, I’m on [Name of the specific bridge], and there is a hazard at the top that could cause an accident."
Highway Patrol: "We don’t service that bridge. What is the hazard?"
Me: "It’s a large office chair. Who should I call?"
Highway Patrol: "What side of the bridge is it on?"
notalwaysright_feedRead Should Have Capped The Capsaicin
Customer: "I want to do the spicy chicken wing challenge."
Me: "Okay, I have to warn you that the wings are exceptionally hot. Hotter than the world's hottest chilli. It's really no joke."
Customer: "It'll be fine. I love spicy food!"
notalwaysright_feedRead No Air Conditioning Is A Form Of Conditioning
Me: "It was 31°C in my flat last night. I was tempted to sleep with my head in the fridge."
Coworker #1: "I Googled 'can a person survive off ice pops alone?'"
notalwaysright_feedRead This Story Just Escalates And Escalates
Customer: "Where are your elevators?"
Me: "I'm afraid they're down for maintenance today, ma'am. All the escalators are working, though."
Customer: "Oh, can you stop them for me?"
Me: "Stop the escalators?"
notalwaysright_feedMr Baldy worked on the floor below. “Mr Baldy” was simply a nickname for a follicly challenged manager, a nickname only used on our floor, by one irreverent colleague (IC). Also on our floor was a not-so-bright colleague (NSBC) who often acted as a runner. [IC]: “Hey, [NSBC], this needs to go to Mr Baldy” […]
notalwaysright_feed
Manager: "Hey, since you’re just sitting there, can you go help unload the returns trolley real quick?"
Me: *Mouth full.* "I'm on break."
Manager: "Right, but you’re here. You’re not doing anything."
Me: "That’s the point. It’s a break."
notalwaysright_feedRead Sounds Like You’re Pot Out Of Luck
Customer: "I need ham."
I wait for her to expand upon the request, but she doesn't.
Me: "Okay, do you know how much you need?"
She looks perplexed.
Customer: "It's for a pot luck."
notalwaysright_feedRead ‘Bye’ Your Leave
A customer finishes paying, slowly putting his change away and zipping up his puffy winter coat at the end of the checkout lane. I glance up at the next customer.
Me: "Hi there, how are you today?"
Suddenly, the first guy spins around.
Customer: "Excuse me? I’m still here. You just disrespected me."
Read ‘Bye’ Your Leave
notalwaysright_feedRead The Gloves Are Off
Me: "Hey, [Coworker], where’s the backup box of gloves?"
Coworker: *Without turning around.* "Oh, I used the last pair."
Me: "…And you didn’t grab more?"
Coworker: *Grabs a tong, flips one piece of chicken. "Didn’t have time. Just be careful, it’s not that hot anymore."
Read The Gloves Are Off
notalwaysright_feedRead No Point Crying Over Spoiled Milk, Part 2
Me: "Sorry, ma’am, this expired last month."
Customer: "Yeah, but I haven’t used it yet."
Me: "Right, but it still expired last month."
Customer: "That’s not fair. It should count from when I use it, not some random date. I was saving it."
notalwaysright_feedRead CPS: Cousin Perfidy Scheming
At some point, [Cousin] decided she didn't like living with her parents and siblings and that she would much rather live with her best friend's family instead.
What did she do to try and achieve this? She called CPS on her parents.
notalwaysright_feedRead I Don’t Give A Frap
SUV Lady: "Excuse me! Are you going into [Coffee Place]?"
Me: "Yes, why?"
SUV Lady: "Oh, good! I made a mobile order for me and the kids."
I see and hear screaming kids in the SUV.
Read I Don’t Give A Frap
notalwaysright_feedRead These Shoes Were Made For Walking
A woman is holding a pair of silver heels.
Customer: "I love these. But I only need them for one night. I'll just borrow them and bring them back on Monday? Unworn, obviously."
notalwaysright_feedRead Oh, Gee… It’s Almost As If Threats Don’t Work?
These are the first words out of this caller's mouth:
Caller: "You c***s have been stealing from me for a f****** year! Give me my money back, you absolute w*nker!"
notalwaysright_feedI work in medical administration, mostly scheduling appointments. One day, I get a message from another scheduler. Coworker: You scheduled an appointment for [patient] with [provider] tomorrow at 1300 Two minutes go by. She doesn’t follow that up with anything. She’s not even typing. I look at the appointment and confirm I booked it in […]
notalwaysright_feedIn seventh grade science, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of the class clown. He was all sorts of obnoxious and the teacher had no control over the class as a whole, so he got away with everything. One day, we were dissecting crickets (“dissecting”) and he was playing around with his. He […]
notalwaysright_feedMy work has “cubicle offices” with our own doors, but they surround a common area. Basically there are walls dividing the offices, but we can hear just about everything that happens in each office, and each conference room. One of the higher ups goes into one of the conference rooms with my coworker for a […]
notalwaysright_feedRead When Signed Off Leads To Going Off
Our main contact, their head of brand, was never happy, never seemed up to date with what was going on, and always found something to nitpick. Things like wanting stock imagery, shooting down the suggestions we made by complaining the stock imagery "looks like stock imagery" (funny that) before presenting the same images as her own suggestions three rounds later.
notalwaysright_feedIt’s the summer of 1984 a movie about four guys who bust ghosts was just released. I’m working in a bakery, and we’ve just opened. Our doughnut fryer was running late this morning, so there weren’t any in the display case. A customer walks in. Customer: Where are you guy’s doughnuts. Me: There are no […]
notalwaysright_feed(My best friend is nine years older than her baby sister, and as such she has much clearer memories of her sister’s early years than you’d get with a closer-in-age sibling. At the time of this story, Sister is in the phase where she’s verbal, but doesn’t quite have all the different sounds down yet. […]
notalwaysright_feedRead When The Worst People Pooled Together
Himbo: "—Look at me when you’re talking!"
Me: *Still scanning water.* "I’m sorry, I have to keep my eyes on the water. There are several high-risk people, and I need to know where they are. I don’t mean to be rude."
Himbo: "No, I said look at me!"
Me: *Repeats myself.*
Himbo: "Look at me now, or else."
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